it reminds us that love, at least the sort of pure love that so few of us will admit to feeling, is a complicated, dark, violent thing, an agreement not to be entered into lightly.

some truths for the fall:

1. to love perfectly is to render that love, irrelevant.

2. the constant sunshine in LA is like trying to have a meaningful conversation with someone who refuses to admit, that they too are sometimes low, deficient, bored and sad. every attempt at melancholic expression is met with a beatific smile, day after day.

3. time will pass anyway.

4. maybe this person is onto something.

5. no such thing as top 10 books. the greatest ones i read when i was very young and do not return to; see number 1.

6. vegan life vs. no carbs.

7. pregnant friends are passengers on a spaceship. soon they will give birth, landing on the mama planet where all your other mom-friends live. time passes at 3x the rate there than it does on planet earth. entrance is for life, you can visit them but they can never come to you.

8. i think of e., the doctor and otherthan more often than i’d like to admit. through thorough FB stalking, i know that otherthan got engaged and then married this past summer. he looks great in the photos: wide-eyed, thin-tied and a little confused.

i still hold onto the hope that i will bump into the doctor someday and he will be at least 15 lbs overweight. perhaps after irrelevancy, humor is left.

e. is probably exactly where i left him, the blackrock building casting a shadow on his upturned face at 3:26 PM, on 49th and Madison. he is waiting for the light to turn.

9. j. and i have been writing back and forth. tentative, funny, nostalgic emails. since the last time j. really knew me, i’ve been a bridesmaid 5x; had a boyfriend for more than a year; moved cities; swerved; read at least 100 more books; written 2.5 chapters; and drunkenly (though earnestly) proposed to a man. she is living in queens, sculpting and has a new cat.

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